I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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