I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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