i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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