Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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