Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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