Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
