I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
