I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
