Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think your dad took our porno
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
