And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
