will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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