singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
