I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.