Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
