I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck