I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.