So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.