I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
