She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
