Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
