i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
