If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
