Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Too much gin, very little bucket
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
