...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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