Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
