Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
