it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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