okay pat passed out under dana's car
are you so shy because you have an std?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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