and she was petting her beer can
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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