apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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