god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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