So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
