what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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