how do flat chested girls get laid?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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