he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
