Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
