He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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