I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
