last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
