Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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