I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
