babies were throwing up all over the place
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize