My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
