At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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