Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
