ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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