So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is not your playground.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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