Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
