You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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