Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
