what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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