I'm so fucking centered right now
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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