...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you would pick up someone in the library
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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