I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
