I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize