I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He better not be in your backpack
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
