I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
