I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
