I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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