i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
