Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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