Sry I called you an 8
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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