I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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