mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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