I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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