If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
