I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
