they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
