And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
