I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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