My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You are the jesus of drinking
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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