I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
