We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
